he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
