i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He kissed a someone with a penis
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
