I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
