i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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