They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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