i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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