She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
either way he was missing a nipple.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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