He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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