I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
