I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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