Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
