And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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