Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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