I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
