My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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