Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
