shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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