I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
