So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
