If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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