your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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