I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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