The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
