Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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