i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
