My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
