Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
