I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
