They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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