They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
