I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
