i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
