I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The struggles of a small town man whore
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
