oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
