Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
