Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
