i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
