It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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