My girlfriend figured out who you are.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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