My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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