just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
