Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
