Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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