i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
