the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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