she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
