Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
