what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
