He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
