I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize