I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
