Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
