At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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