I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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