the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize