I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
