Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
