P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
