his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
