I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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