My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
