Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
