Swine flu is the new snow day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
this is an emotional support booty call
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
