I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
