You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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