Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
