I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
