My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
as a side note pls kill me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
