were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
