My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
