Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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