I'm jealous of your bromance
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
