Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
