It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
