She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
