Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Pooping to opera.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
